The Criminal
In the team meeting before the match against Otago Volts, the coach Ray Jennings appealed to the “Killer Instinct” in the team. The boys took that literally and mercilessly committed a massacre.
Providence, in its divine justice, had ensured that the perpetrator of the crime gets punished immediately. Ray Jennings couldn’t get a sleep last night. His room was adjacent to Brendon McCullum. The batsman’s room was the center of activities for Otago Volts last night. ;-)
But seriously, EIGHTY runs. Eighty runs difference is considered a decent margin in Test Matches and a drubbing in ODIs. To put things into perspective, an extra four runs per over in an ODI would translate to a 200 runs victory.
So today morning, I went to the team breakfast table expecting to hear talks of the heroics last night. Instead, I got a lesson in Professionalism. The coach was planning next practice sessions (despite not having slept last night). That was followed with discussions about the long term planning for the team. Let me just say that IPL 2011 was mentioned thrice and leave it at that.
The discussions prompted me to ask the coach which football club is his favorite. Manchester United is the answer. On being asked why, Ray mentioned that he met Alex Fergusson last year and was impressed by the club’s ability to attract raw talent and mould them to create super-stars out of them.
Read between the lines folks and expect such massacres becoming a regular event in future.
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Sir Alex Ferguson has done...
But perpetrators of heinous crimes can only be punished many moons after they commit. They need to bask in their glory, celebrate etc. Unable to bear their happiness, the affected party has to file a case against them (in the court of Providence) for "wrongful celebrations after slaying of the newborns, elderly and the aged".
Royal Challengers Bangalore had filed a petition in the court of Cricket Providence that 18th April 2008, a certain Brendon McCullum had indeed committed such heinous acts as mentioned above by hitting 158 runs off just 73 balls including 13 merciless sixers, resulting in a 140 run defeat to RCB. This is a "rare act of lack of courtesy to hosts, misdemeanour and eventually barbaric attack" and that he needed to be punished appropriately.
Based on the evidence presented, the court declared on the morning of 12th Oct 2009 that Brendom McCullum was indeed guilty of having committed the alleged crimes and that he immediately be punished.
The court further ordered that in the event the sentence is not carried out immediately, the said Brendon McCullum may flee the country, take shelter in his home country (with whom BCCI does not have a mutual extradition agreement)and may even get immunity from any kind of punishment and escape the accompanying ignominy, for all crimes committed, by opting to retire from T20 form of cricket.
Since Brendon McCullum had committed the heinous crime at the Chinnaswamy Stadium, it will be appropriate to execute the court orders immediately - so that the punishment can be carried out at the very same, sacred Chinnaswamy Stadium - in full view of over 50,000 people and a television audience of a billion people.
The petitioners have prayed that the punishment be in excess of 140 runs - however considering the good relations between the two countries, and that Brendon McCullum has volunteered to travel all the way to Bangalore to accept this punishment, we rule that mercy be shown and margin reduced to 140 runs.
All leading newspapers are hereby directed to publish the judgement as well as the execution of the punishment prominently.
Sd
Ray Jennings
Chief Justice - Court of Cricket Providence
Typist in the Court of Cricket Providence: Raghu
CC: Dr Vijay Mallya, Mr Anil Kumble
CC: Mr Brendon McCullum, with a request to cooperate by accepting the punishment
P.S. ELian = Vipul Grover :)