IPL is a lot like the James Bond movie franchise. Action. Check. Glamour. Check. Intrigue. Check. And because CLT20 will mean more excursions to various countries, the ‘exotic locales’ bit is covered as well. So what if Lalit Modi’s not in charge? Even James Bond was played by various actors. And Casino Royale was the highest grossing film of the entire series. Sure, IPL 4 isn’t going to be run by Daniel Craig, but it can still be the summer’s biggest blockbuster. Here are some basic ingredients of a good Bond film which IPL 4 should also keep in mind in order to be successful:
The Action: Well, since we can’t have matches taking place in at least three countries located in at least two continents, we should have players from every corner of the globe to make up for it. That means including the Pakastani players if for no other reason than just to escalate the intrigue. Since we won’t be having awesome chase sequences, I suggest the players make some sort of grand entrance. Team buses are passé. Probably ask Akshay Kumar how it’s done. And most important: the final action sequence, er, match must involve some sort of heightened drama.
The Humor: The commentators must dispense a solid amount of witty one-liners during the match. Saying stuff like “handy for Pandey” and “Taylor-made for Ross” is just not going to cut it any longer. Danny Morrison, I’m looking at you.
The Gadgets: Innovative and explosive gadgets housed as run-of-the-mill items were a hallmark of Bond films so similarly the cricketers must look to innovate. The Mongoose Bat fizzed out, but that doesn’t mean we should give up. And instead of handing out an ugly trophy at the end, how about handing over the keys to the newest model Aston Martin to the team? That would surely motivate everyone to win this IPL title, especially the previous IPL title-holders because all they got was that monstrous trophy.
The Drinks: Martinis are out. Kingfisher beer is the new poison, so to speak. The Mallya empire should look to cash in on this.
The Girls: At least two beautiful women must take part in each team during IPL: one of whom turns out to be working for the other team(gasp!) and the other girl who gives the team vital assistance in taking down their opponent. It is upto to the team to decide who to trust. Dun dun dun dun. I’ll be providing the jersey for the second girl, natch.
The Bad Guy: There needs to be some sort of villain with a unique or grotesque physical feature who is putting the fate of the world, er, IPL in jeopardy. This can occur before, during, or after IPL.
If IPL 4 takes a leaf out my book and incorporates these ideas I think this year’s tournament can prove to be the most successful of all. IPL is supposed to be a heady cocktail of cricket and entertainment and following this recipe would certainly ensure that. And who knows, maybe there’ll even be a film about it sometime later.